March 3rd: If Pets Had Thumbs Day

Crosspoint Veterinary Hospital, Covington, Louisiana
March 2019

High five! Ehh, well four if you’re a family pet.

But what if they did have opposable thumbs? What would they do? What places would dogs drive to mark their territory? Would cats officially run the world?

Here are some silly ideas that we agreed that our pets would do IF they had thumbs:

1. Hitchhiking

Tired of waiting for your master to get home to go to the dog park? Is there a sale down at the fish market and you just can't wait? Use that magical paw with a thumb, use your puppy dog eyes, and just see how long it takes someone to pull over to give you a lift!

2. Drive

Actually, forget hitchhiking. With thumbs, your pet can go anywhere they like by driving all kinds of motorized vehicles! 

3.  Open canned food

Pets can chew through those flimsy packages of dry food, but the good wet stuff? Sigh... out of reach! Even the pop-top cans are tricky, let alone the kinds you use with a can opener! Pets would no longer wait for us adoringly when we get home in hopes to be fed. They will have handled it themselves.

4. Open the refrigerator

Speaking of food, why limit the choices to canned goods only? Our pets would be using their thumbs to be opening the refrigerator! Kitties would be screwing off the lid to the milk jug. No longer would Fido have to feast through the packaging and get unwanted fiber in his diet! Let them eat STEAK!

5. Give a "thumbs up"

Though it's easy to see how pets could help themselves to more stuff without us, but it would also be nice if they could give a little back. How great would it be if they could give us positive affirmations? Sure, a wagging tail is nice. A rub up against the leg is sweet. Somehow, a "thumbs up" would be especially awesome.

6. Self-Grooming

Your cat or dog is pretty attractive already, but imagine if they could take care of their own personal hygiene. You could send them to the bathroom to brush their teeth. Is your pet shedding too much? Hand them a brush! Once they look super fancy, they'll be wanting to go out! And no worries, they'll be able to drive themselves (see #2).

7. Thumb sucking

For young pups, sucking a thumb would be much more satisfying and self-soothing than anything they have been able to use to this point. 

9. Text

Although having thumbs would be cool for pets to pick up a pen to write, modern dogs and cats would want to pick up the phone and text. Do you think your pet would text you all the time? Of course, there's a good chance the thumbed dogs and cats will be texting each other for playdates as well. And since they can drive, they'll head to the park without you. 

10. Hog the remote

You will never get to watch anything else other than Animal Planet if your pet had thumbs. If you're lucky, they might flip over to the Food Network. Your favorite shows? Forget it. Though with them watching TV all day, you might not be bombarded with quite as many pet texts while you're at work and the grocery store. 

11. Thumb their noses at us

Actually, our pets manage to do this even without thumbs. Go figure.

12. Play thumb wars

The prize for winning a thumb war would mostly likely be a treat. Oh wait... they can get their own treats now. Never mind.

13. Take up knitting

Now here's something that could be helpful - especially if your pet sheds a lot. There are a few weirdos that already knit stuff out of their pet's fur. Okay, maybe "weirdo" is a bit harsh. If your pet was resourceful enough to make yarn out of their own fur, more power to them!

14. Wear mittens

Kittens no longer have to cry over lost mittens because, with thumbs, they could actually keep them on!

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